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Looking for smaller models”, “Sizes 0-8”, “ Looking for Spanish and lighter tone women.”

Hey my name is Jamila and I am 5’6 , currently 195 pounds and I am a Black woman. I am angry , confused, hurt and tired of being disrespected by society. You may think I'm just another angry black woman wanting attention and sympathy or wanting something out of it? Now before I get to “the why“ and express my hurt, disrespect and confusion, I would like to say first, that this is to express a topic on what women and young girls are facing everyday. So shall I begin...

The title of this article are what I hear, heard and read; when I submit my photos to Castings and photographers, it haunts me and makes me feel useless, Hurt, confused, disrespected and yes hate who I see when I look in the mirror. I love modeling , I love being in front of the camera and seeing what I can create with my body, smile and features that god gave me. At that moment I feel confident in who I am but those words, tear me down every minute I think about submitting a photo for a gig. I see models on instagram and think if I was smaller , lighter , bigger assets and longer hair that it could be me. I think about, if I wasn’t me maybe I would have a better chance to show people the model and business owner that I'm destined to be.

I look at my daughter and do my best to block out the negativity because she embraces me with compliments and tells me she likes my hair, my outfit and that I look nice today but I don’t feel it sometimes. I love her for that. I want her to feel worth it and beautiful, which she is but I want her to be confident, aware and insert it, into in her vocabulary every time she looks in the mirror. But often I wonder how can I teach someone I gave life to if I can’t see it in myself ?

If your still reading this I want you to know that you are not alone , it’s okay to be tired, confused and upset for people that don’t understand you but SHAKE THAT SHIT OFF!! You are beautiful, you are brave, you are strong and you are Enough. It’s okay to get turned down but show out when you get the opportunity to show the ones who judged you that you are ALL THAT, the BEST thing god created and that you can do what smaller size models or lighter tone women can do. We should all be treated equally!

Love your skin, hair, weight , and height. Get up and put your photos all over and let them see your face. Show the ones that turned you down that you don’t need them.

Thank you for letting me express my pain and I hope I helped someone with their confidence.

Jamila Hubbart

Instagram: @nubian_queen_mi

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